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Category Archives: Alaska

YOLO!

To the guy who publicly urinated in front of my kids at Fred Meyers – w4m – 39

I dig your badass disposition. The world is your oyster…and you’re going to pull your penis out and piss all over that oyster. Yolo, am I right? You did’nt care that I was with my kids…or that the public bus was driving by…or that there was a man eating a sandwich about 3 feet away from where you were peeing, you just said to yourself “Ride til I die motha fucka!”. You got gumption my friend. To quote lady Marmalade, “you got soul, you got class, you got style, you a badass.” I hope one of my children who caught a clear glimpse of your penis head grows up to be just like you. Did it hurt…when you fell from heaven. Maybe we can get together sometime and pee in the toy section of Wal-mart on Christmas Eve. I’ll bring the 40’s, you bring your penis. No spam replies.

 

yolo

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Alcoholic shoplifting wangsta

Alcoholic shoplifting wangsta – w4m – 18 (Fairbanks)

It was about 6 months ago, and I havnt seen you since, but… You were driving a tan oldsmobile, 80’s, and you were in the walmart parking lot drunk on the multiple occasions I saw you. You were always listening to gangster rap WAY too loud, and judging by you and your entourage’s slurred conversation, you were going into walmart to steal cough syrup. The last time I saw you, I was outside smoking and you approached me, alone, for a cigarette. You were also holding a 40oz of Mickeys. Regardless of how strong the liquer was on your breath, you were charming beyond all belief. You complimented my eyes, telling me that they were “the prettiest muhfuckin’ things” you had ever seen. Halfway through the cigarette, you started chugging your 40oz, and then offered some to me. I refused, because, HELLO, WERE BOTH IN FRONT OF WALMART, BOTH DRIVING HOME, AND YOUR OBVIOUSLY NOT 21, but alas… Ive regretted not taking that drink for half a year. This may be a bad picture Ive painted of you, but you seemed extremely proud of your reputation at the time. I dont condone ANY of the activities you partake in or the issues to which you subscribe, but admittedly, I fell in love that night, and I cant get over you. Wherever you are, I hope you read this. And that your not in jail.

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Filed under: The Parking Lot