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Easter Sunday

I ATE RIBS – 28 (Trasher)

Easter Sunday last year. I skipped church at home and stayed in town. My dad probably sang the same hymns he sings every Easter up in the balcony and my mom may have slept in and then read instead. We used to make a big production of it all. Ladies in hats and dresses. Men/Boys in suits and dress shoes. Pictures on the front steps of my Grandparents.
The lord had risen (again) in some place no one could see. At a mid-day meal with your family, my guilt over eating animals had risen; risen and evaporated. I decided that I loved you more than animals. I ate. Ribs and brisket; my first intentional large serving of meat in about 5 years. Well, taco bell fucked up my “sub beans for beef please” order once and I ate it on the principle of not wasting what I spent money on. That’s not meat for the most part anyway. Oh, and me and my brother bought tamales once in Santa Cruz out of a cooler from a Mexican women. She only had two left and said they were veggie. Turns out mine was stuffed with an oily and savory meat log. I ate that, also for principle/experience/culture/travelers hunger.
I didn’t get sick off the Sunday brunch. I felt amazing actually. Amazing grace. I felt flexible. I felt willing. I felt kind of liberated and bad ass like who cares about living your life in rigid, black and white structure. Let’s get leather jackets! What’s right and what’s wrong is not always the same in every situation. We were right. Our worlds were colliding and we were filling up on each other, licking our blood-barbeque fingers even. I never didn’t like meat. I never didn’t like you. I didn’t like hurting (animals,you,me).
Easter this year I went home, met up with my family. I dressed up. I saw my Grandfather in the hospital too sick to speak. Afterward we all made it up to the balcony to see my Grandmother and catch the end of the Hallelujah Chorus. I hate that song.. for-ever AND ev-er. We went to my other Gram’s for early dinner. You were asked about and it was nice to be able to say “working… oh, good.. really busy lately with…” I stuck to potatoes and greens, a couple deviled eggs. I skipped the ham. I don’t really seek out meat. I don’t shop for it. I am usually fine avoiding it. I have a craving though. A longing. I am looking for someone to go to Village Coney with me and eat a real dog. A real dog, maybe with meat chili on it. Sometimes only the real thing will do. Whatever the cost. Whatever the weight of it.



Filed under: Beyond Wally World



Cashier – w4m – 20 (Walmart, Boone)

Date: 2012-07-26, 12:22AM EDT

I didn’t catch your name, but you a cashier at Walmart. You real cute — longish brown hair and a scruffy beard, real nice. I been interested lately. Reply if you think it’s you. It’d be real nice to talk to you when you ain’t workin.

I love her accent


To the guy who publicly urinated in front of my kids at Fred Meyers – w4m – 39

I dig your badass disposition. The world is your oyster…and you’re going to pull your penis out and piss all over that oyster. Yolo, am I right? You did’nt care that I was with my kids…or that the public bus was driving by…or that there was a man eating a sandwich about 3 feet away from where you were peeing, you just said to yourself “Ride til I die motha fucka!”. You got gumption my friend. To quote lady Marmalade, “you got soul, you got class, you got style, you a badass.” I hope one of my children who caught a clear glimpse of your penis head grows up to be just like you. Did it hurt…when you fell from heaven. Maybe we can get together sometime and pee in the toy section of Wal-mart on Christmas Eve. I’ll bring the 40’s, you bring your penis. No spam replies.



Spider Position

They all suck! – m4w – 27 (Hillsdale)

Date: 2012-06-01, 1:11 AM EDT

I know you’ll never read this since “The personals on Craigslist are for hookers!”

Since I know you won’t see this I feel comfortable in stating two things…

1. I still despise you. When I saw you at the beach I…whatever. You’re a wench! And your new “friend” is older than I am! Perhaps he should not be dressed like a member of the Wu-Tang Clan!

2. I’ve yet to find a woman good enough in bed to even come close to your performances. It’s seriously bothering me, too! I actually found myself fantasizing about you last night while screwing a woman I met at Wal-Mart. Worse part was I tried getting her into your “Spider Position” and…nevermind.

So. in closing I’m still mad you screwed me over and hope your vagina develops blisters, and your breasts give you back problems! I’m also angry that no woman is as good in the sack as you…

Screw it. I need sleep and to sober up a bit.


spider position2


p.p.s. And for stalking you.

To the angel in the Walmart parking lot – m4w – 24 (Washington)

Date: 2012-05-28, 7:32PM MDT

I was pulling into a parking spot on Wednesday afternoon (about 5) when I almost hit you with my Ford. I stopped just in time to let you pass. You were wearing a black shirt. I opened the door as you muttered something under your breath loud enough for me to hear. I kept my distance behind you because you were so beautiful when you were angry I couldn’t help but watch. You walked through the store daring not to stop, trying to lose me. Then, finally you couldn’t take it anymore and you turned on me and yelled something. If this is you please message me. Tell me what you told me and I will know for sure.

p.s. Sorry for trying to kill you.



Me Tarzan. You Girl in Walmart.

pretty sure this is tarzan

I can see how it’d be hard to turn this one down

Walmart on Garners Ferry – m4m – 38 (Columbia)

Date: 2012-05-12, 7:24PM EDT

I passed you several times while grocery shopping Saturday afternoon at the Garners Ferry Walmart. You were with your unattractive wife and cranky kids pushing a shopping cart and you looked absolutely miserable. I felt so sorry for you. You were white, dark haired and very good looking. Seriously you were cute. I hated seeing you so miserable and if I knew how to make contact I would invite you over for a cold beerand a safe place to hide from home. Very open minded guy here and serious about offering you a refuge from the home storm. I got a fridge full of beer, premium cable and lots of porn to watch. Would love to have you over to hangout – would love to give you head if interested.
Please tell me what color shirt you were wearing if you see this.


hard to turn this one down